My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
