my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
