Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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