1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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