What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize