i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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