I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
