I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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