You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
