I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
