1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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