i permit you to call me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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