i just wanna soil my oats bro
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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