Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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