peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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