I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
