I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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