lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
