Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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