remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
