Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
