saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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