I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
