Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
