I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
