Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
