a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
