just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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