i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Let's get the cat blown out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
