every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
