remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
