Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
