No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
