Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
