don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
