At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
