you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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