what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
