Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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