So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
