So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
