Pappa wants mamma naked
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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