if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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