she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
