I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
