he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
