Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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