do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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