I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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