Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
