Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
