grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
