I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
