how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
