i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
