Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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