WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
