So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
