Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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