Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
