the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
