my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
