i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
