at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
