Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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