Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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