my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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