we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
