Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
