I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
