Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
