ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
