I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
