Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
