I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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