Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
