hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
