I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
