When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
